Category Archives: Leadership

Preparation vs. Fulfillment

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It’s funny how God tends to drop little nuggets of wisdom on you from unexpected places. I was reading a book for a project on a very specific subject (baptism in church history) when the author’s phrase hit me like a ton of bricks:

“The degree of fulfillment in something is directly related to the degree of preparation that went into it.”
(my paraphrase)

His context was that preparation for baptismal rites used to last one to two years, and that the level of the preparation served to increase the impact, both personally and corporately, of the sacred act of baptism. But when I read that I realized that it has implications for almost every area of life.

Have you ever tried to run a marathon? Or have you ever tried to run…at all? Your enjoyment of running a race will be directly related to how much you have prepared for it. No preparation and you will likely be miserable. Preparation and you will feel like you know how to fly. Preparation makes all the difference.

Or how about this example. Have you ever gone on vacation…and failed to prepare? Whether you didn’t have enough money, didn’t know where to go, or didn’t know that the ski slopes aren’t open in August, your enjoyment of leisure has everything to do with your preparation for it. This even counts for your day off. How you prepare can make it or break it.

This concept seemed counterintuitive to me because I naturally think of rest (doing nothing) and preparation (work) as being opposed to one another. But these two are inseparably related, one doesn’t work without the other. Preparation is what allows important things (like rest or exercise) to actually do what they are supposed to do, to make the most impact. Spontaneous enjoyment is the exception not the rule, despite what the popular culture wants us to believe. Intentionality and preparation lead the mature to their greatest delights.

This rule applies to worship as well. Your level of fulfillment in worship, whether it’s a corporate gathering or private worship, will be determined by how you have prepared your heart for engagement with God. It would be difficult for me to overstate how important worship is in daily life. And it makes the weekend gathering exponentially better.

So don’t be discouraged if the things in your life aren’t working, and don’t just wait for them to get better. Put your best foot forward to get the most out of today no matter what you’re doing. Don’t be a victim of what comes your way, rather take control to get what you want from every endeavor. You have that power! Today is all we have!

Pressure: How do you handle it?

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Everybody’s got it, but not everybody knows what to do with it. No, I’m not talking about that Christmas gift from your Aunt Laverne, I’m talking about pressure.

Every person knows what it’s like to be under pressure, to deal with stress, to feel the demands of a deadline or a to-do list that seems impossible. The question is, how do you deal with your pressure?

I think there are two ways to handle pressure. The first way is what happens to a volcano when the pressure builds for enough centuries: eruption. This happens all at once and it’s noticeable to everyone. Eruptions can be seen for miles. If we don’t deal with pressure, eventually we will blow up and likely cause a lot of damage. No one can stuff in their emotions forever. Eventually something has to give.

The alternative is to find ways to relieve pressure that are safe and effective. Think of an overflow drain in a sink, if the level gets too high, it’s there to let the water out. Often these come in small doses throughout the day and week. Finding small breaths in the middle of the chaos can help us stay sane and avoid a blowout.

Maybe the reason we don’t take advantage of these little breaths is that we don’t think they will work. Sometimes the pressure we feel is so great we think that a little break won’t even scratch the surface of what we need. But it’s like they say with exercise, “Something is better than nothing.” A 5-minute nap is better than no nap.

Or maybe we don’t take time to refresh because we don’t know what we need. We can get to going so fast that we don’t know ourselves well enough to know what will bring us a smile. Lately I have found great comfort in this process of finding out (again) what I like and putting those little habits into practice. Take a walk, see a movie, go for a drive. I have been surprised at how much better I feel when I intentionally do things that bring me joy.

Maybe you could take some time today to find an oasis in the middle of your desert.
I promise it will be worth the effort.

Action Is The Only Answer

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One of the irritating things about exercise is that calories are easy to earn and hard to burn. You don’t have to try very hard to consume calories, in fact it’s almost automatic. But it takes lots of work to burn them. Can you imagine if the situation were reversed? What if you lost weight by eating and gained it by exercise? I’d be in terrific shape!

This concept for exercise is simple yet powerful. Staying in shape requires a constant, proactive stance against the natural inclination of a body that is well fed and at rest. Unfortunately, last week’s workout doesn’t cover today’s piece of cake. Or two. To make matters worse, if you are on the go a lot and eat at restaurants, chances are your caloric intake is…more than sufficient to your body’s needs. If you want to stay healthy, you have to take preventative action.

I find that this same principle is at work in our spiritual life. A seventeenth-century Puritan preacher and writer named John Owen coined a phrase that has stuck with me ever since I heard it:

“Be killing sin or sin will be killing you.”

In other words, if you don’t take an active stance against sin in your life, it will eventually take you out. Maybe “sin” is too vague and doesn’t land with much force unless you make it personal. This statement recently became much clearer to me when I thought about specific sins that always seem to rear their ugly heads from time to time in my life. The deadly trio that I often deal with (I’m guessing I’m not the only one) are pride, fear, and lust. If you look to the root of most things you do that you shouldn’t (or don’t do that you should), it’s likely that one (or more) of these three is the culprit. If you aren’t constantly vigilant against these enemies of your soul, they will bite you. Hard.

If you’re like me, consistency is difficult because I like things to be finished. Done. Over. When I wash the car, I know when I’m finished because it’s clean. But washing a car is just  one step in the process of caring for a car, and that process goes on for the entire time you own it. It’s the same with my sins. I don’t think I’ll ever “arrive” and never have to deal with being prideful, lustful or afraid. This is difficult to take if you tend towards perfectionism. If I am praying to be humbled and then I get humbled, I’m hoping that I’ll be humble forever and I can move on to other things. Why do I have to learn the same thing over and over?

But “once and done” isn’t how it works. While I’m breathing, I have to keep learning to be like Christ. And judging by my progress, it’s going to take a while. If I don’t actively fight against my pride I will eventually grow calloused and fall. This is true for any besetting sin. Sin doesn’t give up after you win a skirmish or learn a lesson. In fact, I’m pretty sure the devil actually retreats, regroups, and comes at you again with a vengeance. That’s why we have to stay alert, like Peter tells us:

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”
1 Peter 5:8-9

The fight to stay healthy doesn’t end after one trip to the gym. Every day counts, and it is the cumulative result of all your days that will ultimately determine your health. I hope you’ll choose to fight another day by God’s grace, knowing that his power is at work in you to make you more like him.

Choose Your Own Reality

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Do you remember those books, “Choose Your Own Adventure”? They were books that put “you” as the main character and allowed you to make choices along the way that would determine the outcome. If you came to a door of a scary old house it would say “If you knock on the door turn to page 98. If you run home and hide under your bed turn to page 52.” I used to love to get those from the library and feel like I was really a part of the story. Plus, who wouldn’t love to opportunity to see how two choices play out and then choose the one with the happy ending? “You knock on the door and get eaten by a monster. The end.” Well, guess I’m turning back to page 52…

Choosing your own adventure is all fun when you’re a kid and it’s a fictional book, but things can get pretty dangerous when we try to manufacture the truth in our own lives.

Now I’m not trying to say that we have no choice in our story. Much of our life is determined by the choices we make or don’t make. No, what I’m talking about is what I consider to be one of the most dangerous human tendencies: Trying to create your own reality. You might call this self-deception, self-justification, or good old fashioned lying.

What comes to mind is the story of Aaron in the Old Testament. While Moses is away meeting with God and receiving instruction for how the people of Israel are supposed to live, the people complain to Aaron (Moses left him in charge) that Moses is surely never coming back because he’s been gone so long (Really? Apparently four hundred years waiting to be delivered from their Egyptian oppressors hadn’t taught them any patience). They ask Aaron to make a god for them that they may worship. Aaron complies without any resistance and makes a golden calf with his own two hands and some tools. When Moses gets back from the mountain (really ticked off), he asks Aaron what happened. Aaron says, “Uh, well, you were gone for quite a while…and you know these people are really evil people…they demanded a god so I told them to give me their gold…I threw it in the fire and…Bam! Out came this golden calf” (my paraphrase of course). Aaron thought it would really help the situation if he made his own story of what happened (for the real thing check out Exodus 32). Of course that didn’t work out too well.

But don’t we do the same thing? If someone honks at me in traffic I convince myself that it is because they are a jerk, not that I cut them off. We make mistakes but completely deny responsibility. We can spend so much time and energy trying to convince ourselves that what we have done isn’t wrong, when we deep down we know the truth.

Ultimately hiding the truth will do the same thing it did to the Israelites. At the very least it will make you sick (drinking water mixed with ground up gold dust), or at the very worst it will end up destroying you (lots of people died that day).

The Truth is a real thing. It isn’t something we can change at our own convenience. That’s why keeping yourself close to measured standards (friends who will hold you accountable, the Truth of the Bible to guide you) is so important. These are what keep us grounded. Without them we’d have ourselves convinced that the sky is green and down is up.

Walking in Enemy Territory

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Perception is everything. You’ve undoubtedly heard that one before. In fact, you may have heard it enough times that you forget how true it really it.

In the past week I have had several meetings that I went in to with a lot of
concerns and uncertainties. Have you ever built something up in your mind in theBusinessmen fighting name of preparation, but it didn’t seem to help? I sometimes try to be prepared for everything, but no matter how much I prepare and think it through I still don’t know how it’s going to go. I go into conversation feeling uncertain, but how will I feel afterward? Victorious? Superior? …Whipped?

Well, in each of my conversations, I walked out not in triumph but enlightened.
Instead of taking the gloves off, I asked some questions. And you know what? 100% of the time I didn’t fully understand the other person’s point of view until they told me.

If there is one thing that’s true about human beings, it’s that we are NOT good mind readers. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have people calling me all the time asking me to “channel” some kind of answer for life’s biggest questions. The best way for me to understand other people (and I know this may be shocking) is by talking to them. Questions are your best friends in tricky situations. Assumptions, well you know what they say about those…

A good way to think about perspective is to picture yourself as a spy working spy-6undercover. I’m not sure what spies do on their day off, but I have a feeling they are more laid back than when they’re on the job. They aren’t looking around every corner in an effort to prevent being caught or exposed. People act differently when they believe they are in enemy territory than when they’re on friendly soil. Our whole perspective changes. This is especially true in every relationship that experiences conflicts (which, as it turns out, is all of them).

If I walk into any conversation thinking I’m engaging the enemy, I’m only going to come out swinging. But friends are different. Friends are given the benefit of the doubt. Friends are your friends because you tell each other the truth. So before I do anything I need to remember who I’m dealing with.

I’ve been learning again that if I hold back the truth in any valuable relationship, whether what’s true is that I’m scared, skeptical, angry, happy or hurt, then I am cheating that relationship of its full potential, and I can’t blame anyone but myself.

If I am unwilling to trust my colleague, spouse or friend enough to tell them the truth, I am simply allowing a sad game of charades to take the place of real relationship. (Inherent in this is the underlying assumption that I know how they are going to respond, which is why I choose to hold back. I blame the other person for the response I assume they will make, not upon reality. And we’re back to assuming…)

So give it a try. You’re not required to agree with everyone, but if you don’t agree, learn how to tell others your views. That’s actually the reason you have differing views, because we are not all the same. That would be an incredibly boring world to live in. Our differences make us better, but only if we let them.

We’re connected to what we make (A plea for Investment)

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Have you ever made something special for someone as a gift? When I was dating my wife, one year for her birthday I gave her a piece of “art” (the use of that term is questionable) – a wooden box with little pictures and bits of paper glued to the inside that had meaning for us in our relationship. It’s not much to look at, but it is very special to us and sits on our dresser to this day.

When she opened that present, she loved it immediately, but the looks I got from the other people in the room were quite interesting. Some had a look that said “What is that?” while others were just plain confused. Even though it didn’t make a lot of sense to others, it was very special to her. Why? Because I made it, and it was made of things places that we’d been, notes we’d written to each other, and things we had seen together. We had a connection to it and it only strengthened our connection to each other.

I was thinking about this recently in preparation for our first baby that will arrive in the summer. It takes time to grow and develop, and all the months of preparation culminate together with the arrival of the little addition to your family. AND, once your child arrives, there are years of teaching, training, feeding, loving and investing in that life – role that really never ends. Our hearts are bonded to what we create, and the things that mean the most take the most time to grow.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that the best thing that I can leave behind is the legacy of investment I make in other people. Yes it’s important that I lead with zeal and passion and faithfulness to the Truth of the gospel, especially as a worship leader. But once a Sunday is over, it’s over. I have a hard time remembering the songs we sang three weeks ago, and I sang them at least six times that week. How much less the people who hear them only once? What people remember more is the way I care for them, remember their name, and help them grow in Christ.

Of course all of this comes from God. God moves in our lives so that he can move through us, all for his glory. As the Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:7, “we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.”

So my plea to you is this: invest yourself in others. You have so much to offer them and I promise you the reward will be great. Perhaps the reason you don’t feel connected to your work, to your ministry, or to your neighbors (even your family!) is because you aren’t investing fully in them. Maybe you’re just showing up, wondering why things feel so disconnected. The investment of yourself connects you to others, because you are giving them yourself. So give yourself away. I promise you it’s the best you have to offer to the world.

 

Why The Squirrel Gets Run Over

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You know the scenario. You’re driving down the road and you see a little furry friend just squirreloff to the side gathering acorns (or whatever else squirrels do). At the sound of your approaching vehicle, the squirrel freezes in its tracks, looks around with that look of utter terror in its beady black eyes, and begins to dart around in several erratic, exasperated, and nonsensical directions. It seems like he changes his mind twelve times in two seconds on which way to run!

I think we’ve all been there. We’ve all felt an overwhelming sense of terrified panic. Chances are we’ve all looked about as silly as the squirrel does when he’s trying to avoid getting flattened.
But I guess it doesn’t really matter how you look when you’re desperate for a way out.

Whenever I see this play out, the question I always ask myself is why. Why doesn’t the squirrel run away from the road and away from the oncoming car? Whether he’s in the middle of the road or ten yards to the side, he always seems to run straight into the path of the wheels of the car. Sometimes he makes it, sometimes he doesn’t.

Well, I guess there’s only one time he doesn’t make it…

I think we can understand his plight if we put ourselves in his place. I want you to imagine you’re standing there minding your own business and suddenly you hear a loud roaring noise and perceive something about two hundred times your size moving toward you so fast that you don’t have time to grasp the exact projection of its movement.
All you know is that you need to run.

That is what the squirrel experiences, at least it would seem that way to me. The reason he doesn’t know which way to run is that he can’t see the big picture. He can’t see things from my perspective. All he knows is that he’s in danger.

This reminds me of myself in many ways. I have an unbelievable tendency to panic and make a run for it when things happen that are so big I don’t understand. Have you ever felt like you forget everything you know in a second? Some would call this “freaking out.” Whatever happens when things take us by surprise, it’s good to remember that God is the one in control, that he’s the one driving. He’s got a better view than I do, and he knows that if I could see things the way he does I wouldn’t worry so much.

See, the truth is there’s plenty of room all around the little squirrel to escape the danger. He isn’t really trapped. What traps him is his fear. Will you let fear trap you, or will you seek to see things from a little higher off the ground?

Isolation: A Romance (Part 2)

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In the last post we talked about our natural tendency as human beings to withdraw and isolate ourselves. Blame it on whatever you want, whether it be the digital age or the way we are raised, people tend towards isolation. It wouldn’t do much good for us to stay here, so let’s talk about the solution to our problem. It isn’t exactly rocket surgery…

I was recently talking to one of my leaders about dealing with problems in life and how we all have things we have to process. Sometimes what we need to do to process our thoughts seems redundant. It’s really important that we resist a “once and done” attitude when it comes to caring for our soul! As I was speaking, I started to listen to the advice I was giving and I thought, “I need to be sure I’m following that too!” Sometimes the answers to our problems aren’t complicated, and that is what gets us stuck. We expect the answer to be complicated. If we’ve heard it before, we assume we need something new to get out from where we are. But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes the answer for this problem is the same as the last one.

If you’re like me, your exercise routine is always at an ebb and flow. Life happens. You travel, have a week off, or get sick or hurt and your routine for running or going to the gym is shattered into a cabillion pieces. Whenever I get into that stuck place of feeling like I need to work out (but let’s face it, it feels good to just sit on the couch!), the only thing to do is start again. I know that when I get into the gym I won’t be able to run as far without getting winded, but that’s when it’s really important to remember that I’ve done this before.It worked last time and it will work again. It’s like the Nike slogan. You get it.
The same is true for getting out of the box of isolation. Chances are there have been times in your life when you were great at setting up community with other people, great at relational interaction and staying connected. Then you got hurt, got busy, or stopped putting forth the effort.You’re sitting on the couch enjoying the feeling of no effort living. But eventually you won’t be able to get up.

God designed the family and the church to be the natural places for us to be able to share in deep, meaningful relationships with each other. Whether we come from a big family or have no family, the family of God unites us to each other and helps us from killing ourselves through isolation. The writer to the Hebrews says this in his familiar passage:

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
(Hebrews 10:23-25 ESV)

You weren’t designed to go it alone. Sometimes it is difficult to humble ourselves and get involved in other people’s lives. It’s easier to be quiet than to encourage someone or to tell your story. But I promise you it will be worth the effort.

Isolation: A Romance (Part 1)

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“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”
-Proverbs 18:1

“Then the LORD God said, “It is no good that the man should be alone”
                             -Genesis 2:18a

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I’ve been asking myself that question for about a decade and still haven’t landed on a definite answer. The first time I ever took the Myers-Briggs test it was overwhelming and confusing and, frankly, I didn’t really buy it. How could a group of questions really identify who I am?

I’ve taken the test about three times since then and I think my results are slightly different every time. Either the test doesn’t work or I keep changing! Ok, maybe I’m being dramatic. The test actually reads me pretty well despite the subtle differences. But what has been consistent for my results is the fine line I walk between introversion and extroversion. The first time I took the test I was scored as an “expressive introvert.” In my most recent test I discovered that I am an extrovert with slight tendencies toward introversion. A little confusing. Maybe I’m just learning to be better with people the older I get. This is definitely a good thing -just ask my parents!

The whole Myers-Briggs thing has got me thinking a lot lately about personality types, differences, and how to best understand ourselves and each other. I believe that the better we can know ourselves and each other, the better we can communicate, relate, and accomplish things together. As I have studied, I’ve discovered that there is one tendency that we all share regardless of personality type. This is the tendency towards isolation.

As you can see from the verses at the top of the page, God is not a fan of isolation. We were created in the image of God and are meant to share in communal fellowship with others in every area of life. From the marriage relationship to friendships to work partnerships, humans are wired to do life together. But isn’t it interesting that we all tend to think otherwise? It seems that we all tend to resist connection with others. Have you ever gotten home from work and hoped your neighbor wasn’t outside so you wouldn’t have to talk to him? Have you ever gone to the longer checkout line in the grocery store because the cashier in the short line talks too much? Often we see interaction with people as inconvenient irritations rather than part of our God-ordained design.

Think about it. For the introvert, he thinks “I don’t need people. They are all exhausting! I just want it quiet. I’d rather keep to myself.” End result: isolation. For the extrovert, she thinks “I don’t want to bother everyone. They all think I talk too much anyway. I can handle my problems on my own. I’ll just keep quiet about what is really going on.” Result? Isolation. Maybe it’s our western proclivity towards independence. Maybe it’s our rebellion. Whatever it is, it’s trying to keep us from healthy relationships.

What are the ways in which you need people? Are you trying to hide who you really are? Hiding in life is like a bad game of hide-and-seek; if you are too good at it eventually people will stop looking for you. Take some time and think about how you can bring more “togetherness” into your life. In part 2, we’ll talk about how the church is one of the primary ways that God brings people together.

 

The Power of Touch

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Ok, the fact that you find that title a little sketchy is really the whole point. Why have we become so weird when it comes to real contact with people?

I recently read an article that described that way that human babies develop in the womb. Because the skin develops early, touch is one of the first sensations that humans feel. After they are born, the physical contact between babies and their parents stimulate psychological and neurological responses that help them fully develop. Interesting huh? Just wait.

Even more interesting than this is the fact that as we grow our need for contact with people doesn’t diminish. We remain, even as adults, in great need of loving, personal contact.

In this age of computer screens, media-driven relationships and crazy stories on the news (and there are plenty of them), there aren’t many people vying for a heathy culture of contact. Well, here it goes: don’t be a weirdo, but don’t underestimate the power of a handshake, hug, or simple pat on the back. People need to feel a real sense of care from those that actually care about them.

One of my best friends and mentors taught me that whenever he passes his wife in the kitchen or in public, he puts his hand on her shoulder as he walks by. He told me, “I don’t even have to say anything to her. This simple touch communicates that I’m thinking of her, that I care and that she matters to me.” I think he’s right.

Don’t let all your relationships be facilitated by electronic devices. Go to lunch. Try actually talking to people and see what it does. People used to do it all the time. Sometimes the best thing you could get is a hug.